There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
