It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it because I queefed?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
