Screwed.edu
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
zippers are such a cool invention
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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