Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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