DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
