i permit you to call me
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
