Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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