i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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