I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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