RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
