This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
