so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
