just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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