We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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