is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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