I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
