There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
