okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
