Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
