I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We have started to decorate penises.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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