just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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