you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
