so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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