I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
