So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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