census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
