I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
