I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
