How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
