i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
