I want to stick my p in your. b.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
