I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
