hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
only if we run a train.
done.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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