Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
