Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I need a beard to bite.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
