How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
