Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize