You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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