I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
