If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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