I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think a kid would responsible me up
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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