I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
