Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
