this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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