Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
