i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
