Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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