You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
