Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
