Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
