Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
