I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
